There are obvious things you expect to go along with being overweight, and everybody knows what those are. I’ve found two I didn’t expect. Well, one I knew about but never thought I would experience it, and the other one I never thought of.
The smaller of the two is the never-thought-of one. I’m not positive it comes from being so overweight; in fact, I think it’s probably half and half. But nevertheless, weight plays a part. It’s nothing major, but I feel unsure on my feet sometimes. It’s not always. It’s on things like gym bleachers or uneven ground, sometimes even just stepping off a curb. Having not the best depth perception is the crux of the problem, but having so much extra weight adds to it. That could be more mental than physical, but it’s there. It really annoys me, but I can live with it. (It’s not nearly as annoying as my inability to step onto a down escalator.)
The larger of the two is how I feel when I run into people I haven’t seen in a long time. It’s not like they’ve never seen me overweight, but when I run into someone I haven’t seen in a while, I have this fleeting feeling. It lasts only long enough to think about it, but still, it’s there. I’m not embarrassed, but for that split second, I’d rather not be seen. I know people can feel that way to a much larger degree, but I’m very self-confident and my self-esteem is as it should be, so I never expected to have that thought creep into my head for even a second.
Of course, health is the main reason to be at the right weight, and appearance is a strong second. I hate not being able to move as I would like, for my grandkids to think of me as fat (They don’t think it in that word, but they’re not blind.), I’m tired of not liking what I see in the mirror, I would love to wear cute clothes, I’m more than tired of thinking about my weight almost every waking minute for one reason or another, and now I get to throw this feeling in with all the others.
I’m at the point where I’m finally going to buckle down and do what I need to do to lose weight, and I mean a LOT of weight. I’ve done it before, and I can do it again. I never had anywhere near this much to lose before, but I can do it.
A friend once asked me if my weight was due to a lack of self-worth/self-esteem. My answer was “I’m the apple of God’s eye and the desire of His heart. How could I not be worthy?”
When I started writing this, I really didn’t know where was going with it, but now I do. Here’s the takeaway: regardless of what you struggle with physically, emotionally, or both, regardless of how you got to this point, through your choices or someone else’s, regardless of anything you’ve done, the good, the bad, or the ugly, YOU are the apple of God’s eye and the desire of His heart. You might not be perfect, but Jesus thinks you’re to die for. He loves you, and He’s with you every step of the way.